There lurks a twisted notion
An evil so diabolically vast
It dwarfs the whole of the ocean
Its force is strong, it’s will is
great
It feeds on fear and anger
And nobody even knows it’s there
Hidden like the 18th
hangar.
It knows your desires, your fears,
your rage
It likes to watch you boil
It waits until your boiling point
Explodes on this mortal coil
And when your hate has taken you
Your soul is a toy to play with
But not of the devil do I speak
But a greater so-called myth…
It’s the LEPRECHAUNS! The LEPRECHAUNS!
The sprightly little LEPRECHAUNS!
They tempt you with their crock o’
gold
They show you such sights to
behold
They taunt you, tease you, make
you squirm
They make you wriggle like a worm
Their evil little beady eyes
Their voices speaking truth and
lies
They spin your mind inside your
head
They’ll make you wish that you
were dead!
Evil little buggers, aren’t they?
Why do you look at me that way?
Can’t you see they’re here to
stay?
They’re stalking me, they hunt and
prey
Why am I wearing this coat of
white
That makes me hug myself all
night?
Don’t you understand my plight?
The leprechauns, an evil fright!
You think I’m mad, you think I’m
loopy
You think I’m going round the
hoopy
You’ll see, I’m right, I’m not
insane
These things are not just in my
brain
The leprechauns, all clad in green
They’re cruel and nasty, cold and
mean
They’ll slap you, punch you, poke
with sticks
They’ll superglue your private
bits
They’ll steal your money, car and
dog
And smoke your carpet like a log
They’ll turn your house into a den
For thieves and hookers and Uncle
Sven
They’ll tell your family that you
were killed
By a giant purple aspirin pill
They’ll laugh at you, they’ll
smell your crotch
And tell you that it smells of
scotch
(Which is really weird, because
you see
I never drink it, it makes me wee)
They’re out to get us, don’t you
see?
They’ll turn us all into human
brie!
I don’t want to be some mouldy
dairy
I want to be all skin and hairy
Please make them stop, please make
them stop
Before my mind decides to pop
Oh no, they’re here, they’re here
now!
Get them away, I don’t know how
They tease me, taunt me, make my
cry
And never do they tell me why
But wait, what’s this? What do I
see?
A dagger, hilt-first, held before
me?
Oh no, it’s not, it’s just my mind
Playing with me. How very unkind.
But wait, what’s this? Another
toy!
A big Smeg Hammer! Oh boy, oh boy!
Oh, now you’re scared, you little
pests!
I know now how to make you rest!
SPLAT! goes one, and then another
Oh dear, was that your little
brother?
Whack whack whack! I’ll squish
them all!
I’ll make them pay, I’ll make them
fall!
You little critters, now leave me
be!
But what are these men doing to
me?
No! Let me go! I must not stop
Until that last one there has
dropped!
Don’t shackle me! Don’t chain me
up!
He must die now, or I’ll erupt!
So now I must forever endure
The torment of my life
This leprechaun left here with me
Has found himself a wife
And now my mind forever frayed
Has fallen into tatters
Because this family of Irish
pixies
Has left my mind so battered.
Evil little buggers, aren’t they?
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